| FML |
[06 Apr 2009|11:19am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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Wedding shower this weekend, really don't want to go. Not to mention my mom had to bitch me out for not answering her email immediately, whatever. Ugh great, a whole weekend with my mom, my sister and her kids. Someone should break my leg on friday so I don't have to go.
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[29 Mar 2009|06:20pm] |
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Why does everything have to be so confusing? I need a better grip of reality, fantasies don't help anything, only set me up for a greater fall. I shouldn't expect so much but I'm still sitting here with butterflies in my stomach.
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| mehhhh |
[03 Mar 2009|02:29pm] |
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who's ready for spring break? I AM!!
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| So... |
[02 Mar 2009|01:24pm] |
Went to my first counseling session. Thought that it was only going to a one time thing but Erica insisted that I come back next week. Guess she thinks I really need some help and wants to get as many sessions in as we can before she has to leave for hip surgery. Heh well, we didn't really even scratch the surface of everything that's been bugging me so I'm grateful that she wants to see me again. Think she's trying to get everything figured out with my family since that has always been the root of all my shit.
So, looking forward to next week. It's good to finally talk without being afraid of being judged or whatever.
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| what the fuck?! |
[14 Feb 2009|07:36pm] |
So i found an old journal that i had brought to MCLA and was flipping through it...daaamn my thoughts are weird sometimes:
7/03/07
Void. An empty space. Nothing. Or the ability to erase something, to void it out and return it to nothingness. Life is full of voids. A period of transition, in which there is no growth, no gain...that could be considered a void. I think I'm within the void. Being in it is numbing and confusing. My thoughts make no sense. I feel as though I slip from reality, that I see what's happening at a great distance.
I can't describe what's happening. I feel so far away. I feel like I'm being pulled to another place by the throat, so constricted. If I am taken, will I be stuck in the void or find myself in another place?
Every passing minute is a chance to turn your life around.
My thoughts are focused on the eight, like they long to have their story told. My void is caused by my own neglect. Fill in the void, tell their story
~ 1:24 am
Don't forget about me, I'll always be right here...
Yeah, I have no idea WHAT I was talking about hahaha
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[19 Jan 2009|12:24pm] |
For some reason I'm in a really bad mood right now. Maybe I'm just bored or something, but this sucks, I don't want to talk to anybody but at the same time I feel like doing something but there's just nothing to do. I should do homework, but I can't really until I have my books but the store is closed today and my check hasn't processed so I don't have the money to right now anyway.
I just feel so frustrated over everything and nothing right now. I'm trying to sift through every little piece of me to find out what it is that's making me feel this way, but I just can't find it. I don't know why I feel like this. Maybe it's just expectations that people have for me that I just can't fulfill. I feel that some people are just looking for something from me that I just can't give them, whether because it's something that's personal or just something else. I don't know.
Ugh, I'm sick of feeling like I let people down all the time.
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| Home Again |
[17 Dec 2008|08:08pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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So after my math final I headed home. Luckily I had CDs with me and some Subway so the car ride wasn't that bad. It always seems shorter at night but I don't know why. Anyway I got home and got my shit upstairs and my mom went out to get us a bottle of wine. She came back and we drank and talked about a lot of things. Anyway, she went to bed and I went upstairs and it was around eleven. Umm I think I must have fallen asleep and then started sleep walking because the next thing I remember is standing in my TV room staring at the blank TV and it was one in the morning. Yeah, don't really know what happened last night. So I went downstairs and just chilled out on the computer for awhile.
Around two Josh was trying to get into the house but the door was locked so I had to let him in. He insisted that we watch Metalocalypse and drink some high brand vodka. I still don't like the taste of vodka but I was cold and it heated me up so I kept drinking it. I went to bed around four and then woke up at two this afternoon. Talked to Lisa and got it set up so that I'm starting on Saturday because I need the next couple of days to get some Christmas shopping down, I haven't done ANY!! Shit, I need to get to Hyannis soon.
Didn't do much today except drink beer with my mom. I've kind of been buzzed ever since I've been home, not a bad feeling lol
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| Saturday Night at the Movies |
[14 Dec 2008|12:45pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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So yesterday Sam and I were bored so we went over to Tony's to hang out with him and Joe. Will was there and so were Carley and Alicia but Alicia chilled upstairs for the most part. Started drinking around 7:30 and then Joe went to the liquor store to get more beer. We were watching this child beauty pageant and all of us were just disgusted. Those girls looked absolutely miserable but their mother's were like 'they're so happy to be here' it was gross.
Joe insisted that we watch UHF and even me and Sam watched it last week I didn't complain, that movie is amazing. Blake and Chris W came over about half way through the movie or so. When it was done, they went upstairs with Carley so me, Sam, Joe and Tony just chilled downstairs and talked about random things which we usually do.
Around midnight, I think, rock band was put into play. The wii version had a lot of songs I didn't know so I basically just sang Creep and a few other songs and called it a night. After that Chris and Blake left and we watched Animal Planet. By then it was 1 and seeing how I was running on two hours of sleep I got exhausted and me and Sam headed back to Hoosac.
Of course I ended up talking to people on aim until about 3 so now I'm still really tired. Thinking it may be a day for Jack's...and then endless studying blah
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| Over |
[12 Dec 2008|03:33pm] |
1. Put Your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
Miss Blue - Filter
How would you describe yourself?
exit music - Radiohead
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Clumsy Card House - Blue October
[lol]
How do you feel today?
O Pamela - Nouvelle Vague
What is your life’s purpose?
Without You - Rent
[that's just kind of depressing]
What is your motto?
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
[hmm]
What do your friends think of you?
The Courier - Randy Edelman
[huh I am kind of like a messenger]
What do you think of your parents?
Sunday - Sia
What do you think about very often?
static - echostream
What is 2 + 2?
The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani
What do you think of your best friend?
Blue Water - Fields of the Nephilim
What do you think of the person you like?
Put it Behind You - Keane
[ouch]
What is your life story?
From Rusholme with Love - Mint Royale
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Transformer - Gnarles Barkley
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
The Hand that feeds - Nine Inch Nails
What will you dance to at your wedding?
In the House--In a Heartbeat - John Murphy
[so I'm dancing to the music from the climax of a zombie movie, great]
What will they play at your funeral?
D is for Dangerous - Arctic Monkeys
What is your hobby/interest?
Hear Me out - Frou frou
What is your biggest fear?
The Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang
What is your biggest secret?
By the Sea - Helena Bonham Carter & Johnny Depp
What do you think of your friends?
A Warm Place - Nine Inch Nails
What will you post this as?
Over - A Perfect Circle
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| this weekend will be awesome |
[14 Oct 2008|09:29pm] |
I'm so excited for this weekend! After anime club, Tony brought me and Sam over to talk about what we were going to do while introducing us to Eva the snake. Anyway, this weekend can be summed up easily, apparently.
Drunk cosplay.
There's going to be three handles of rum. Yay, this is going to be soooo funny. There will be more when I actually experience it lol
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| Survey Says... |
[11 Oct 2008|10:53pm] |
Bands // Song Titles
Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: Nine Inch Nails
Are you female or male:: You Know What You Are?
Describe yourself:: Right Where It Belongs
How do some people feel about you:: The Perfect Drug
How do you feel about yourself:: Hurt
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: I Do Not Want This
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: Heresy
Describe where you want to be:: Beside You In Time
Describe what you want to be:: The Collector
Describe how you live:: Every Day is Exactly the Same
Describe how you love:: Ruiner
Share a few words of wisdom:: Love Is Not Enough
Fill out this survey yourself
Find a different survey
Brought to you by Bzoink
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| New York Anime Festival 2008 |
[28 Sep 2008|09:58pm] |
Friday: Well, we actually managed to get there with few hassles. Tony picked us up around 7:30 in the morning and we got to the bus station about two hours before the bus set out, so that was harsh. But then it got there and all was well, even though the bus driver was trying to seduce everyone via loud speaker. Seriously he was like, whispering and he was saying shit like "next stop is lennoxxxxxx....welcome aboard Peter Pan bus, relax and enjooooy the trip. If you need to know where to find any coffee, latte...whip cream, I know great places to stop." It was creepy...
Anyway, we got to the convention around 4 and it was fun. Highlight of today: Voltaire. Easily. I LOVE HIM! He was soooo funny! He watches Death Note, and this was the day I was dressed up as L. So, he sees me because I was buying stuff from his stand and he was like "oh hey there L!" it was awesome. I asked for a picture and he has this really serious expression and he was like "Well, I have this official policy about taking pictures with fans..." and I'm thinking, he's about to be an asshole and not take a fucking picture. And he goes on to say "I have to confiscate your camera's memory card and bring it back to my house, upload the picture and photoshop it so I look younger and thinner and then I'll mail it back to you." So anyway, we take a few pictures and he was like "Wait!! We need to do a myspace picture!" so we posed for a myspace angle shot. After that he looks at me all serious again and is like "L...I shouldn't tell you this, it's my deepest...darkest secret...but...I am Kira!!" I died a little inside, it was so funny.
After that we walked around the convention for a bit and met up with some adorable cosplayers, they were soooo cute. Since we got there late, we were exhausted and left around seven. I saw Voltaire leaving so I glomped him again and he told me to go to his concert that was happening on Saturday so obviously we made plans to go.
Saturday
Today was sooo much better. We got there when they were opening so there were so many more people today. Saturday was Naruto day so Sam dressed up as Naruto and I dressed up as Sasuke. The only bad thing about today was that ex Sam was hanging around us all day. We just had a lot of fun with the characters though. Since Sasuke runs away in the series, I would keep running away through the convention and Sam would chase me and people were like 'RUN SASUKE RUN!!' It was mad goofy.
After that we walked around some more and bought random shit. We got this One Piece keychain for Tony since he drove us there and everything. We also met up with some more cosplayers, one was being Itachi, Sasuke's older brother so we hung out with her for a while and decided to be really goofy and fulfill fangirl wishes by doing 'yaoi' poses which I just find funny that anyone would actually like that since it's incest...but yeah, to each their own I guess. Afterwards, we headed towards the back of the convention and were surrounded by yaoi...seriously, everyone just started making out with each other...it all started with Kingdom Hearts characters (damn you Disney). Anyway, there was this guy playing Zack from Final Fantasy VII who was kinda hot and he didn't have a shirt on so I gave him a hug and he was like 'we could do yaoi'. Normally I would be like 'ahhh no' but Sam was really starting to cling so I thought I'd give her a helpful clue that I moved on so I made out with Zack...about six times...oops (my ears were seriously ringing at the end of the day because of fangirls meh).
Sam was SOOO pissed about the Zack thing. She tried to kiss me and I just pushed her away and after that we went to see Voltaire. He was amazing. He's just...so goofy. I recorded the entire concert on my camera mwahahaha! After that we wandered again and met up with...yep, that Zack again and by this time I was being a really vindictive bitch because Sam kept trying to hold my hand and shit and Zack was on the floor and I just sort of waved to him and he did the little finger crook so yeah, no need to continue with what happened then. I will say it ended with Sam literally ripping me off of him, I was sooo close to punching her in the face.
After that we realized that we were exhausted, both me and Sam were about to kill little miss negative nancy tailing after us so we decided to just go back to Sam's house. I was pretty pissed, I mean, I had a great time, it just could have been SO much better if ex Sam hadn't been there. She took me aside at one point and wanted me to take her back and I just said no. I'm leaving her a nasty facebook message later because if I had even tried to say how angry I was with her, I probably would have killed her...ugh.
So, Sunday we think we're in the clear, heading back home no worries, so I go to sleep and when I wake up, Sam turns around and is like 'oh hey, you're awake, we have no gas so we might have to get out and push' and she wasn't joking, we were on empty. Her mom was just like 'ahhh...oops?' luckily we got to a gas station with just one gallon left in the car. After that we got to Pittsfield with few incidents, except Sam's mom almost hit a lady trying to cross the street in a wheelchair. It was hysterical. Then we were trying to find a place to eat, but nothing was open it was so ughhh! But we got food, all was well and now I am back at MCLA and uploading the con pics.
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| what...happened? |
[21 Sep 2008|05:34pm] |
So last night was a night of fun weee! Well, first we went to North Hampton which was awesome, why can't North Adams be like that? The people were so interesting. Well, after that we decided to drink and I drank too much too quickly...again.
I don't remember what happened, or how much I drank exactly. I remembered playing Never Have I Ever, and the last thing I remember clearly was going to the campus center to get Josh some food. I don't remember going into the C-store, or buying him anything. I don't remember hanging out in there for a while. I don't remember going into that bathroom. I don't remember hanging out behind Hoosac, I don't remember what I said, I guess I was talking in French and then I guess I was talking about my brother, but I can't remember what I was saying about him.
I passed out cold when we got in the room...must have been about ten or something. I woke up at six, fell asleep again and woke up at nine-ish and was still drunk. Oops.
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| more cons?! |
[16 Sep 2008|09:47pm] |
Wow, I'm going to run out of money by the end of the semester because of all these cons x__x
Well, Tony from the anime club offered to drive me and Sam to Pittsfield so we're definitely going to the NY anime fest. And then tonight she wanted to know if we wanted to go to one in NH so that'll be great because we're going to stay with Tony's friends so yaaay
Something to do! wooo
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| official |
[08 Sep 2008|11:51pm] |
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so it's official. I'm single again. Don't really feel like writing about it, feel relieved and bitchy, but it was for the best.
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| OHHHH MY GOD!!!!! |
[06 Sep 2008|12:44am] |
PEACE OUT HOMIES!!!!!!!!!!1
I'm going to NYC the weekend of Sept. 26 because there's anime fest at Jacob Javits and EVERYONE I love it going to be there!
Amano - love his work, does a lot of fantasy pictures including final fantasy pictures for each game
Voltaire - I fucking love his music, it is sexy
Steve Blum - is the only English voice actor I REALLY like, he does Makoto Shishio from Rurouni Kenshin, Darcia from Wolves Rain, some Naruto characters, some video games characters...I love this man
Brad Swalie - does the English voice for Light Yagami from Death Note
and so many more. Anime Festival here I come WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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| Baseball House....SUCKS! |
[06 Sep 2008|12:27am] |
wow so the baseball house really sucks. This girl on my floor (don't remember her name) and this guy came to my room and were like 'hey, come to the party with us!' and since I was bored, I did so and Sam came back as we were leaving so she joined us as well. First of all, the party was pretty much over, from what we heard so the freshman guy named John was like 'we should all just make out' and this was after watching me put my pants back on (must learn not to hang around in boxers when the door is open) so I was like 'yeah...no'.
Anyway, we get to the baseball house and it's tiny and there's hardly any people there. All the people included people I don't like. Like El Nigaracha and purple towel faggot and the stupid sluts hanging off their arms. The only good thing about it was heading to the house and seeing this group of girls leaving and crying, one of which was like 'I just can't believe he did this to me!'
Um...hello? You hooked up with a jock, what the hell did you expect? Anyway, we get to the house,a nd the girl who invited us bought us shots so that was cool. Then we sort of wandered the tiny space of the hosue and decided...'wow this is really lame'
So Sam and I left and headed back to the dorm so now I'm sitting in the room and now know not to go to parties at the baseball house again because they absolutely suck.
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| Plight of the Curious Chipmunk |
[29 Aug 2008|11:46pm] |
So, anyway, it was my first official day off of work that didn't include quitting or being fired...whatever. Anyway, I was just chilling on the computer when my cat Kiki comes running into the room and starts meowing at me, which means that he wants something, but I wanted to be lazy so I just ignored him. He kind of wandered out eventually and then I felt like reading so I went to my room and started reading 'the Other Boleyn Girl'.
I was reading for probably ten minutes when I heard this really high pitched whistle that sounded like a bird or something. So I get up and head to the dining room. My cats are crowded around the big chest thing and I'm like 'wtf? is there a bird in here?' I really didn't want it to be a bird because I was freaked out that if I went over there it would fly at my face and try to peck my eyes out or something. So anyway I grab my cats and throw them into the office and close them in and me and Molly inspect more closely (yes I was using my dog as a shield so what?)
I had a flashlight so I shined it in the crack between the chest and the wall and there was this big ass chipmunk squatting inbetween these pictures that had been stuffed down there. I'm just thinking 'wow, chipmunk gets curious and wanders into a house with two cats and a dog, great'
Anyway, I lock Molly up into my room and grab some bread and try to get the damn thing to leave by leaving a trail of bread to the door, no good. Karen gets home, and I tell her the problem, she sets up a barricade so that the chippy can't just run to another room of the house, I get a metal pole and I gently nudge the thing so it will move. The thing runs to the open door...and fails to leave the house and opts for standing in the corner instead. I try to shake the curtain so it will run out the door, but it runs back under the chest. I head over there and it darts under the chair at the other end of the room. So I shake the chair and the damn thing finally runs to the door...and stops.
So I took the floor mat and and basically shoved it out of the house and it went running into the distance.
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| Grrrr |
[22 Aug 2008|02:33pm] |
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You know the people that you care about so you don't want to hurt them but they grate so much on your nerves that you almost want to be as nasty as possible so they leave you alone? Yeah, I have one of those. I don't like being called 7 times a day. I don't like being told what to do or not. It's my business if I want to work 6 days in a row. It's not like working at a bookstore is strenuous, I'm pretty sure I'm fucking 'strong' enough to handle it. What the hell? This fucking sucks and with everything that has happened this week, I'm pretty sure I don't feel like being nice anymore.
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| Lamentations for a Lost Friend part 2 |
[16 Aug 2008|05:47pm] |
I was told that Dan McGuire was killed today as well, but it didn't hit me as to who that was. I instantly though it was someone older, and then I saw the paper and I was wrong. Another good friend lost to Iraq. He was younger than I was, only 19 fucking years old. Now all I can think about is theatre at MHS and all I can remember is how good a person he was.
I couldn't have asked for a better assistant in Wizard of Oz. I can't even write about this, it hurts too much. Why did it have to be them? They both had so much potential, I can't believe this is happening. This fucking war...it's never affected me before, and now it is too much. I can't deal with this all at once. Two good friends, gone in a heart beat.
I'm numb right now, but I feel it building and building. Not Paul...not Dan. They were both such good people, they were such good friends.
I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this summer.
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